Mad At the World Day

Just an FYI. Titles are hard sometimes.

You know what you want to say in a post, but what’s the best phrase to sum everything up?

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?

Nah. It wasn’t that bad.

I Can’t Stand People?

Closer, but again, not quite that bad.

So I’m going to just keep writing and we’ll see what comes to my brain by the end.

To sum up, yesterday sucked. (Title material? Not exactly…)

It didn’t start out bad. I mean, when my alarm went off, I was waking up next to most wonderful man in the world. In my usual early morning routine, I rolled over, threw my arm across him, snuggled my face into his neck and waited. I’m awake enough to murmur conversation to my Cowboy, but still relaxed enough to ignore the fact I have to get up soon.

I eventually sit up to feel a hand from an inert Cowboy rubbing up and down my back, working out the night’s stiffness and as I walk out of the bedroom I hear, every day without fail, a sleepy voice calling from the pillow “You’re beautiful!”

And I wonder, once the sun is up at a decent hour and my Cowboy’s schedule changes with the seasons what my mornings will be like? They’ll still be wonderful; filled with sleepy kisses and whispers, but I’m lingering in these moments as long as I can. I live for early mornings.

So that was nice.

Drive to town? Not so nice.

4 inches of snow on the highway, covering a solid coating of ice. My 35 minute drive took an hour.

Again, not so bad. I had my cup of coffee, the radio, alone time, and an awesome sunrise to keep me company.

And then people and work just got on my nerves.

A2DerRUCQAEiHSS.jpg largeMeathead in the back room is going to Vegas for parts school. Not that I care, really. I was offered the chance to go the day before when my illustrious, chain-smoking, constantly male-PMSing department manager said, “You interested in going?”

“When is it?”

“I don’t know. Whatever date they decide in March or April.”

“Who else is going?” (Because I’d heard rumors of the 400 lb man who doesn’t believe in showers and has a chronic problem of diarrhea of the mouth was up for grabs as traveling partner.)

“I don’t know. Whoever they decide to send.”

You wanna play that game? Ok.

“I don’t know. That time period is in the middle of calving season.”

See? I can do that too.

So, yesterday I heard him telling Meathead about it and, in a desperate act to do anything to brown-nose his way to the top, he jumped in whole hog. Not that I care. Would I like to go to Vegas? Yeah. By myself? Thus making it a little more iffy to walk around and enjoy the city? Not so much. So there was that.

Then the nosy know-it-all lady came and brought me a business card to a gal at the local stock show gave her for custom made belts, saying “This is for you.” I set it on the counter in front of me and we chatted. Well, she talked and told me how it [meaning everything.in.life] was because, obviously, I haven’t been raised and a part of agricultural life for, oh you know, my entire 27 years of life. She then snatched the card away and said, “You can’t keep that. I was just showing it to you.”

Um. My bad?

Per her conversation and some Facebook stalking, I realized a stay-at-home mom I know had her own booth at the stock show, selling her stuff. Yeah, I was bit by the green-eyed monster. And based by the bite marks, hard. That’s what I want to do. I want to stay on the ranch with my Cowboy, using half a day to help him and half a day to do all my creative ideas and make an income.

But can I? I have to have time and money to get anything off the ground and running and not lose the income I have with my town job. And with my job I don’t have the time or the money. I know if I keep working at it and delving in deeper and figuring out what works and what doesn’t, I’ll eventually get there.

my-job-is-slowly-crushing-my-soul

But I want it now. I want to have time at home to drink a cup of coffee on the deck in the morning. To fix dinner for my Cowboy. To be able to have a schedule that is flexible enough to help on the ranch and be out horseback in the fresh air. To not have a 70 mile a day commute.

And yet to have the financial stability my full time job gives. The time will come. Someday.

So, in the words of my Cowboy a few days ago when he was quiet and withdrawn (how he deals with hard days) and I asked him what was up, “Nothing big. It’s just a mad at the world day.”

(And there’s my title. Found it.)